Weddings Are Not Passive: Advice From a Los Angeles Wedding Planner.
Ben & Rob | @damorewedo
Somewhere along the way, engaged couples started believing that weddings are passive. Anything But Gray Events is here to tell you the truth!
That if you pin enough photos, manifest hard enough, and say “we’ll figure it out later” with enough confidence, a flawless wedding day will simply materialize out of thin air.
Like a Disney princess movie. Or sourdough. Or whatever else people are currently convincing themselves happens naturally these days. NOT!
As a Los Angeles wedding planner for the last 15 years, I have some news: Weddings are not passive.
They are active. Very active. Active like a marathon!
Brianna and Turi | @justinmccullumphoto
In fact, weddings are basically a group project with 20 vendors, 150 guests, a six-figure budget, complicated family dynamics, weather concerns, transportation logistics, and expectations up the wazoo!
And yet, every year, I hear things that give me TMJ, like:
- “We JUST need a day-of coordinator.”
- “We want a completely candid gallery.”
- “We don’t really need a timeline.”
- “We’ll book that vendor later.”
- “We’re just seeing how things unfold.”
Timing is Everything.
Let’s start with the timeline. As a Los Angeles Wedding Planner, in a busy market, timing is everything!
A timeline is not something that magically appears three days before the wedding because everyone collectively believes in it hard enough. A timeline is math, and math is rude. It’s exact. It’s logistical. And it can be an unforgiving jerk.
If you want getting ready photos, a first look, wedding party photos, family photos, private vows, ceremony, cocktail hour, sunset portraits, dinner, speeches, dancing, cake cutting, and a grand entrance and or exit, all within a limited number of hours…
The timeline doesn’t care how optimistic you are. It only cares how many minutes exist in the allotted time frame. Sorry, but it’s the truth!
Picture Perfect:
Linzy & Jeff | White Rabbit Photography
Then there’s wedding photography.
This one always makes me laugh. Couples tell me they want every photo to be “candid”.
Every single one. Just moments naturally unfolding. Except on a wedding day, nothing naturally occurs. Which sounds lovely, yes, but in reality, it’s a planned, well-oiled machine of components, people, and to-dos, despite what 90s rom-coms have led us to believe. Again, sorry, but it’s the truth!
The photos that couples are usually showing me for inspiration are very much not accidental.
- The portrait with a cascading veil during a dramatic sunset? Planned.
- The gorgeous wedding party photo with 22 people? Planned.
- The editorial couple portraits that look like they belong in a magazine? Also planned down to the minute. Editorial is not candid; it is highly stylized.
Even candid photography requires dedicated intention. You know what creates great candid moments?
Time, space, and a whole lot of preparation.
A couple that isn’t being rushed from one thing to the next because they tried to fit twelve hours of wedding photography into a booked seven-hour package.
From the mouths of some of my favorite Los Angeles photographers, Miki and Sonja Photography, “True candids require time and intention. They’re the result of a timeline deliberately built with breathing room – enough space for us to step back and watch how people actually interact once they’ve started to relax. Tighten the schedule too much and those moments don’t disappear, but they do need more prompting to happen quickly.”
The Waiting Game:
Olivia & Amanda | @mandeephoto
And then we have my personal favorite:
“We’re waiting a little longer before booking.”Waiting for what? A gilded invitation? A sign from the universe? A clearance rack for wedding professionals?
News flash, waiting doesn’t make anything better, cheaper, easier, smoother, or more effective. 9 times out of 10, it does quite the opposite.
The best vendors, venues, rental companies, photographers, and florists are usually booked because someone else has already made a decision instead of sitting on their hands.
I know. It’s deeply unfair. But is it really? The early bird catches the worm. The late bird is emailing vendors at midnight, asking if anyone has 200 gold chiavari chairs available next Saturday.
Weddings are one of the few places where procrastination doesn’t get rewarded. Waiting until the last minute doesn’t usually create more options; it guarantees fewer options and significantly more stress in an already high-emotion situation.
Robyn & Sven | @sodafountainphoto
As a Los Angeles wedding planner, one of the biggest misconceptions I see is the belief that things will somehow work themselves out. And to be fair, some things do, but most don’t. While I am just woo-hoo enough to believe the universe is really on our side, my logistical brain reminds me that when you measure twice and cut once, you get the right length.
Timelines, vendor availability, budgets, logistics, and expectations? Those require action, not reaction.
This will blow your engaged mind. The weddings that feel effortless are never effortless. They’re intentional.
The reason guests walk into a wedding and say, “Wow, everything is perfect,” is that dozens of people spent months making hundreds of decisions, big, small, and everything in between, before that moment ever happened.
The best weddings don’t happen by accident. They happen on purpose.
So if you’re planning a wedding, here’s what this Los Angeles wedding planner wants you to remember:
Your wedding is not a crockpot. You cannot throw ingredients in, walk away, and hope for the best. Your wedding is something you actively create.
And honestly? That’s the good news.
Because when you stop expecting the process to happen to you and start participating in creating it with a seasoned vendor team, that’s when the magic actually begins.
Not by chance. Not by luck. Not by passive moves.
Stephanie & Aaron | @marycostaphoto
It’s all intentional. “A good intention clothes itself with power.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, engaged couples, please, let’s get intentional with wedding planning, not wait until the bitter end, and keep our expectations in reality; for the love of Beyoncé, buffer time, and basic math.
Thank you, your friendly (and exhausted) Los Angeles wedding planner!
